to plan a wedding.

I'm doing a friend's wedding shower and I have been scanning hip and cool decor blogs for inspiration. In doing so I have learned the five rules for a trendy wedding. Follow them and you will no doubt be awesome....

1. When taking engagement/wedding photos make sure your expression reads "Mug Shot" and you are holding hands whilst three feet apart...in front of an ugly wall.

2. Raid the flea market and clutter the tables with cool looking, meaningless junk so it will look like your event has some substance, or history, or something...

3. Your invites must be printed in an old circus font.

4. Birds, mustaches or peacock feathers. You have to have one of then in your theme.

5. Write on, type or stamp EVERYTHING. You don't need decor if you have WORDS on stuff. Like paper bags that say "LOVE" or a old hate with "You were made for me" or maybe some fruit with "Divine" on it. Doesn't matter...just put some words on some junk. Instant significance.

to lose track of time.

9 months since my last post? It's really inconceivable how much has happened in those nine months. Lucy being the main thing. She is seven months old now and absolutely perfect (obviously). She has the disposition of an angel and the strength of a small ox. Everything a woman should be.

In the event anyone was wondering, I was never approved for AIM. I guess they knew I was being an unfaithful libertarian.

My due date was December 9th and on December 5th I was admitted into the hospital to treat an unspeakable amount of pain. Of course, it wasn't labor pain, it was a gallbladder, in the words of the ultrasound tech, "chalk full-o-stones". This brought on another lovely condition called pancreatitis, which caused the doctor to induce my labor. The next 24 hours where a haze of pain and Demerol shots to the tookus. If you want a sure fire way to not feel contractions, have a gallbladder attack. I said "YES!!" to the epidural in hopes it would take away the pain of my other maladies. It did. A few hours after having a needle stuck in the gray matter of my spine, Lucy came forth. She was a fat, beautiful, calm, infant who immediately lifted her own head up to greet me.

For all my complaining, I would do it again in the heartbeat. There is no substitute for bring your own child into the world.

Three weeks and three ER visits later they finally removed my doomed organ. I last saw my gallbladder after being awakened from a state of unconsciousness. It was floating in a tupperware container next to my gurney. If I never see it again, it will be too soon. Of course, I can't imagine the circumstance that would bring that confrontation about.

So I have two kids, a wonderful husband, a couple part time jobs, an old house that is gradually becoming home, an empty space where an internal organ used to be and a rosy outlook. All in all, a satisfactory nine months.